A hard pill to swallow.

The first step I took to change was realizing That I was responsible for me, my thoughts, emotions and actions. I learned this because I was suffering a great consequence, but this was necessary for me. Now, you may say I do this all the time, I know what I do and I'm very aware of my actions. when there's a physical action performed it is easy to find our responsibility, because its tangible, but not so much when it comes to our thoughts, emotions or perspectives. Let me give you an example from my own experience. I was sexually abused when I was young, this is a very traumatic experience to live through, lots of feelings of shame, blame guilt and anger. Right now, you're wondering how do I take responsibility for a situation that is wrong and not my fault? Yes, this action is wrong, and I do have every reason to be upset, angry, sad, confused and bitter. These emotions are extremely valid; however, the trauma and the feelings are from 30 years ago. It was my responsibility to feel these emotions but then transcend this traumatic memory by not carrying hate into my present life. It was my responsibility to seek help, educate myself, forgive, release my own guilt and shame over everything.

You see when we continue blaming and living in excuses from the past, we aren't actually taking responsibility for ourselves in the present moment. Our past will only paralyze us if we let it, if we take responsibility for ourselves and learn compassion and forgiveness, we will no longer be slaves to our past traumas, we will no longer be a victim; being afraid to live happily and peacefully in the present moment. This is what it means to truly take responsibility for our emotions, thoughts and actions.

Short disclosure: Of course, I don’t agree with any abuse and just because we move on from this abuse doesn’t mean you have to engage with or tell the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is for you, not them. You never need an apology, especially if it's unsafe or going to cause ill will. An apology is just a good thing to hear, it won't heal your wound. Only you can do that.