"My belief versus your belief, my conditioning versus your conditioning, yet behind all this there is an observing."
I had a profound, but beautiful awakening argument with my fiancé last night. We were discussing how to raise our 5yr old daughter, her style of parenting is a little different than my style. When I talk about style, I mean conditioning (how we were brought up). This sparked an intimate conversation of how we were raised and what emotions we felt growing up, many of which we didn’t like or agree with. We plainly recognized this, so even though we didn't like how we were raised we both felt ourselves getting defensive during this conversation especially when we started discussing how to raise our daughter. I felt my way was better, she felt her way was better and this was all it took for us to begin the battle of beliefs and conditioning. This loving process of communication, which we were
supposed to be having, took a wrong turn. We lost ourselves. I needed to give this space, I stepped back in my mind and began observing, watching while these two egos pursued battle. They were just going back and forth defending one belief in comparison to another belief.
I could feel my ego getting angry, defensive and not being able to see her side of things. My ego and conditioning was so powerful that I would not allow her ego and beliefs to merge with mine. I could feel the separation.
I thought… this is strange, I love this person. I would do anything for this person. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, yet here we are fighting and bickering over beliefs and conditionings we don’t even agree with ourselves.
Is this madness? Sounds like it.
This happens all the time in relationships. we bring our conditioning, our egos and our past beliefs into our present space. When we do this, we start to see and feel the separation. This is why it's important to allow space between "the present you" and "the old/ego you". Once you are able to separate you from you, then you can tear down the barriers of ME vs YOU and become one.
Isn't this where we are ultimately striving to be, one relationship, a parenting unit, lovers becoming one or friends who are connected with one goal, sharing problems and happiness.
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